Upcoming August 7th

This week gamers saw an enormous setback as Daisenryaku 7 Exceed (and with it it's whomp-ass cover art) had it's release pushed back over a month, presumably to allow Crave Entertainment to explain exactly what it is they're trying to sell to retailers. Until then, gaze upon the wonder that might have been--

They could sell this game for $170 and wrap it in hepatitis-encrusted razor wire, and I'd still buy it. In other news, this week's real, honest-to-god released videogame selection is pretty goddamned horrendous.

Tomb Raider Anniversary (PSP) (80%)

I know what you're worried about, PSP owners. Sure, Anniversary may bring the classic gameplay of the original Tomb Raider to the PSP with prettified graphics and modern game design elements, but what you really want to know is how well Lara's ass has handled the translation to the handheld medium.

And it saddens me to report, not well. Not well at all.

Blurry, grainy, distorted, ill-defined-- This is not an ass worth losing your firmware update for. Yes, yes, the gameplay has largely come across unharmed-- but at what cost?

Boogie (Wii) (N/A)

Remember when EA said it was going to focus on the Wii and more unique, non-franchise titles? And all the Nintendo guys suddenly forgot that EA is condensed, tangible evil and started to chow down on EA's theoretical corporate manhood? Yeah, well--

Admittedly, that comes with a mic (which, according to Game|Life's Chris Kholer, is apparently junk) but you know EA is feeling the water here, seeing exactly how far they can get with the Wii audience. Which will probably be a lot, considering this title pretty much screams HEY, WII PLAY GUYS, BUY ME! At least when Nintendo tries to sell a marginal videogame to the Wii Play set, they do so by bribing them with a free controller.

High School Musical: Making the Cut (DS)

At first I was disappointed to see no reviews of Making the Cut exist, but then I realized there's no real point to reviewing this sort of thing as the target audience isn't really the sort to peruse IGN. Matter of fact, if you're the sort who may be in the market for Making the Cut, or any game produced by Disney and/or Nickelodeon I'd prefer you not read this site either. Seriously. Chris Hansen scares me!

Megaman Starforce Pegasus/Leo/Dragon (DS)

Speaking of games where the target audience shouldn't even be registered for Myspace yet, there is this, a blatant moneygrab for gamers whom don't find playing Pokeman in public quite socially damming enough.